May 02, 2003

The Onion Hits It Up NYC-Style

I missed this the first time around. It's the Onion's Infographic on how Bloomberg plans on cutting the budget. Here's the funniest one...a nice in-the-know submission:
Running two F trains per day, cutting line's service in half.

Boy, am I glad to be off that line.

Dirty Pleasure

Star wars home video. First check out the uncut version here. Then check out the remix. The remix is delightful.

May 01, 2003

I Was Thinking About This

In an effort to get the ol' bloggin' stream running again, I've decided to put together this group of completely unmatched thoughts together.

The other day when I was bored at lunchtime I mosied over to the local (well, Canadian) music superstore and I bought the new records from The White Stripesand The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. What a dirty dirtball I am. On first blush I think that the White Stripes record is borderline pretentious and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs record is...fun. There you go. That's my insight. The first time I saw YYY live I thought that Karen O. was really a cheap low rent version of Polly Jean Harvey. To a certain extent I still do. Sometimes I don't understand why PJ Harvey doesn't get more credit as an influential band. I saw them once at the Hammerstein Ballroom and she was amazing.

A rodent of some sort was running loose at the Seventh Avenue Q stop this morning. Several ladies jumped out of the way on tippie-toes. I held my ground and stared down the sonovabitch before it scurried away under a bench. Pussy.

I have established a love/hate relationship with poppyseed bagels. I love the crunch, I love the flavor, I hate the ten minutes spent in the bathroom trying to get all the poppies out of my teeth.

Holy shit. My hometown of Dedham, Massachusetts made the New York Times. From this story you'd think it was like...Newton or something.

Dial-up internet access sucks. I tried to install my DSL today but was stopped in my tracks by the realization that it hadn't yet been setup by Verizon yet on my line...so...well...I got nothin'.

Local news sucks. Since I've always had cable here I haven't really sat down and watched a bunch of newscasts. Either I could find out something that just might save my life or my kids are in some sort of danger. Sometimes...it's both. I also found out that my CBS affiliate has a weatherman named Storm Field. No shit.

John Cusack's new film Identity kicks ass. It's scary as hell and a whole lot of fun. On the other hand, Colin Farrell's Phone Booth was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It's up there with Hardware (Holy shit...Dylan McDermott was in that movie?? And he still has a career?), Robin Hood: Men In Tights and Joe Versus The Volcano. Okay...so it's not Battlefield Earth. But it did suck.

Field Mouse and I are going to Florida for a weekend in a few weeks. We're taking my favorite airline, Jet Blue. I love that television. There's something completely satisfying about being able to watch a sporting event live while flying. It makes flying seem like less of a chore. Aaahhh...if only other airlines could figure out that no one really wants their shitty meals anyway and spend their money wisely. Maybe the government wouldn't have to bail their asses out anymore.

Almost Home

We only have a few boxes left to unpack. I've discovered that I have a really big living room and that the area near the windows is downright filthy.

I have pegged the previous tenants as dumb 70s era punk rockers. Or at least people who were happy with filth. Apparently some sort of family with a baby lived here recently. A bunch of the cabinets are childproofed...and thus Huffer-proofed. I made quick use of a screwdriver to take down all of them. They were driving me crazy.

I can't wait until I have some time off to really look around the neighborhood. This is the first time I have moved while working. It's really difficult to do anything besides unpack at this point. In a way I'm a bit happy that I don't have high-speed internet access or cable right now. It's really simplified my life. It used to take me a lot longer to get ready in the morning for work because I looked a bunch of sites on the internet before doing just about anything. My morning paper and coffee of sorts. Now after I exit the shower there's really nothing to do but get dressed.

Field Mouse and I are going to a wedding this weekend. Really doesn't leave us with much time to get everything together.

April 30, 2003

Inspector Gadget

April 29, 2003

Getting Used To It

So we've closed at Day Four here at the new Brooklyn homestead. It's nice here. Real quiet. Laid back. With my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

Tonight we decided to take a walk over to the Park Slope Food Co-op to see what all the fuss was about. Fuck the Park Slope Food Co-op and it's leftover 60s beat-poet fascist bobo bullshit. Get this. You can't even walk around the Co-op unless you go through an orientation session first. We just wanted to walk around the store to see whether or not it was worth joining. No dice.

At the front desk each person that entered the store was required to swipe a card which granted them access to the commune. A gray-haired lady at the front desk told us (rather rudely I might add) that we had to attend an orientation session if we wanted to become members. So when are these orientation sessions?

"They're posted right on the board over there," Jane Goodall huffed. Oh great. Monday and Wednesday either at 10am (for all of those unemployed folks or stay-at-home moms or something) and 7:30 pm (for all of those 9-5ers). No weekends?

So we left. As we stood outside shellshocked at Der Kommisar's swift ruling, I asked Field Mouse if she thought this meant we weren't even allowed to walk around the store. Although Field Mouse had previously been quite excited to join up, her enthusiasm was put out faster than a Bush=Hitler sign at an anti-war rally. I convinced her that we should go back in and actually figure out if indeed we couldn't even walk through the grocery store without attending an indoctrination session. We asked the non-Jane Goodall lady at the desk if we could just take a look around. She was a bit nicer.

"Actually...ummm...no you can't."

"Really? Why not."

"Well, you have to attend an orientation session. You could maybe walk around the store if there was a SQUAD LEADER who could escort you, but I don't see one around right now..."

What? Is there a fucking edamame theft ring going around? A tofurkey bandit?

Well, that was the end of that. File that under another organization I don't want to be a part of. On the way home, we laughed about how a non-white person might be convinced that they were being discriminated against if they heard the same line we did. The place was white as hell.

You can't walk around the store? How do I know whether I want to join? I have to come at 10 or 7? Yeah...great.

Half of these people probably drove to the fucking Co-op in their BMW SUVs.

Yes, take me to your Squad Leader. Fuck you and your Battlestar Galactica titles.

If I have to, I'll continue to go to Whole Foods in Chelsea where everything's pretty damn cheap because they won't allow their employees to unionize. Speaking of which, even from our outkast vantage point, half of the co-ops in Madison, Wisconsin kicked this one's ass. Starting with this one.

I am writing this blog entry in our computer/sewing room. Shit, we didn't have that room before. The room has yellow and white wallpaper with a wooden trim painted blue. It reminds me of closeout specials at the Gap.

We went to Biscuit the other morning for some grub. It was pretty good. I had a biscuit...and some eggs. My block has lots of trees and construction. Although I thought I would miss out on all of the chart toppers of Hot 97 bumpin' down Clinton Street I would like to note that I have heard 50 Cent's new joint at least three times.
Giiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllll...would u still luv me if I was down....n...out...would u still have luv for me girrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllll...

We're hoping to hit up Soda Bar soon for a test as a neighborhood bar.

Boxes are still cluttering our existence. I realize that we have so little things of value. It's both disturbing and nice to know that I could dump half of my possessions with out really caring. What is disturbing me right now is lack of cable. Tonight we watched some horrific local news advice bit on how to protect yourself from a crazed German Shepard attack. It was titled "5 Minutes To Live."

I shit you not.

For some reason our local Fox affiliate thought it was necessary to warn their viewers about crazed German Shepards with a nasty streak and a thirst for blood. I have always been afraid that a dog would inexplicably run up and try to kill me while I was jogging. I was so afraid that I wouldn't know what to do. Would I run away? Would I try to playfully slap it? Well...of course not...but that's what these people were doing.

During the entire segment Field Mouse and I were screaming at the victims to "kick the shit" out of the dog. They kept fake slapping at the dog's sides with an open hand. It soon dawned on me that since it was a "reenactment" there would be no kicking of any shit, certainly not the well-trained German Shepard assisting the nice man. But hell, that's what anybody would do. Kick that fucking dog....hard...right in the face with your hipster retro sneaks...not play fucking patty-cake bakers man with your puny little girl hands.

Oh...time for bed. I need to rest. I'm currently on death row at work looking for clemency from the guv'ner. Will the phone ring? Stay tuned.

April 28, 2003

Hello Brooklyn!!

We are now moved in...well sort of...to our new Prospect Heights home. As of this point we have little computer access so blogging will be brief. I'm tired as all hell. I need a break.