February 27, 2003

Reaching Out

In an effort to attract greater readership...I would hereby like to offer a Snoop Dogg enhanced version of this site.

It takes a little bit to set up so just get a glass of milk or something.

O'Reilly Watches Quasi-Prostitutes "For Professional Reasons"

Here's a funny update of that O'Reilly "quasi-prostitute" story I talked about earlier. This is from last night's O'Reilly show:
Time now for "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day"...

Our pal, porn star Jenna Jamison, is mad at me for criticizing the Pony sneaker company for hiring her as a pitch woman. Jenna e-mailed us today and said, in part, "I hope Bill understands the difference between a porn star and a hooker. I assume he has done some research on the subject because he requested some of my videos after we finished taping my appearance. I imagine he wanted them for professional reasons."

Of course I did, Jenna. Having any other motivation would be ridiculous. Enjoy your sneakers.

O'Reilly later remarked that he also reads Playboy for the articles. Oh yeah...as this implies, Jenna Jameson appeared on the O'Reilly Factor earlier this year. I can't find the appearance on the site...but for obvious reasons I don't really want a "Jenna Jameson" search in my Internet cache on my work computer. So maybe someone else can find it. Lord knows you want to.

February 26, 2003

Just When You Think

Texas' legal system can't get any worse...

Duct...and cover!!

Temptation Island...Fun For The Whole Family!!!

As you may have heard, 80s powerhouse show producers Pony is back...with porn. That's right. Pony has enlisted porn stars such as Jenna Jameson to appear in their new print ads. Says one of the promoters of the campaign,"It's the rebelliousness factor, a nonconformist attitude," Mr. Chantrel of the Firm said. "By being involved with porn stars, it brings an edge."

Right on.

So you're thinking...porn...sneakers...hmmm...what does Bill O'Reilly have to say about this? Torturing the English language as only he can, O'Reilly calls Pony out for using "quasi-prostitutes to sell sneakers."

Quasi-prostitutes? Yeah...I guess that sounds scarier than "adult film star." Furthermore, O'Reilly points out that "[m]uch of Pony's product is made in China, and its Web site features bizarre stories." Oooohhh...China. Pony would be a lot more acceptable if its goods were made in say...ummm...Youngstown, Ohio?

Well O'Reilly took on more than he could chew when he brought marketing guy Donny Deutsch on to discuss the Pony issue. Boy did he get manhandled.

DEUTSCH: My question is, I think we have a little bit of a double standard here. It's interesting, the Fox network, which I believe is the network that's carrying this show, employed Tracy Lords as a guest star on, I think it was Melrose Place. Now, Tracy Lords, who was an underage porn star.

So what's the deal? What's OK and what's not?

O'REILLY: To be fair to FOX, Tracy Lords is a repentant porn star. OK.

DEUTSCH: What does that men? She was underage -- She was doing pornography, 14 years old and Fox paid her money to be on their show.

O'REILLY: Let me explain -- Not at the time

[...]

O'REILLY: All right, so you think that by pandering to testosterone, as you put it, this is going to help their sales among their target audience and they don't care about the backlash from people like me?

DEUTSCH: They don't care what you think, frankly. You're not in their audience. Actually, they're going to probably get off on this in a strange way. Of you getting on -- the guy who's kind of the anti-what they're talking about, saying wrong, wrong, wrong. It makes them more rebellious. It's actually good for their image.

[...]

DEUTSCH: If Charlton Heston did an ad...

O'REILLY: Yes.

DEUTSCH: ... would it be right for me to get on and say to the stores, you know what, he believes in rifles. He believes in putting guns in the hands of 14-year-olds, if you...

O'REILLY: There's one difference. He has the constitution behind him.

DEUTSCH: As opposed to there's no constitution behind this?

O'REILLY: Yes. Correct. You can't go, if you're an underage person, and purchase pornography and that's who's going to see this.

DEUTSCH: We haven't established they're underaged.

O'REILLY: That's two invalid comparisons.

DEUTSCH: That's a very valid comparison.

[...]

O'REILLY: And I'm saying to myself, I don't want this kind of behavior, quasi-prostitution, to be rewarded by Pony.

DEUTSCH: Pornography is not quasi-prostitution!

O'REILLY: Of course, it is.

DEUTSCH: It's not prostitution.

O'REILLY: You sell your body for sex. You sell your body for money.

DEUTSCH: What do you think is going on on Fox TV? What do you think is going on in "JOE MILLIONAIRE"?

O'REILLY: Stop, will you?

DEUTSCH: That's all they sell on TV is sex.

O'REILLY: Stop it. This is ridiculous.

DEUTSCH: This is such a double standard.

O'REILLY: This is ridiculous.

DEUTSCH: This is ridiculous. What's ridiculous?

O'REILLY: That's like kissing and then going to some hooker on the corner. There's a big difference.

DEUTSCH: Nobody's talking about hookers here.

O'REILLY: I am. Porn performers are quasi prostitutes. They sell their body for money. Look it up. Look it up.

DEUTSCH: Prostitution is somebody paying for sex. Porn, the last time I looked -- which is legal. Is pornography illegal in this country?

O'REILLY: Pornography is legal in some places. It's not legal for 13-year-olds.

DEUTSCH: We're not talking about 13-year-olds.

O'REILLY: Yes, we are!

DEUTSCH: We're not talking about any 13-year-olds.

February 25, 2003

Why The Blood For Oil Angle Needs To Die

Here's another reason why anti-war protestors need to concentrate more on "war is bad policy" arguments then "no blood for oil" arguments. Turns out that a war in Iraq might not be so good for oil companies. (Salon article...so watch the ad and you get through...)

Aaahhh...Germany

Where you and your wife can look and dress the same. Don't believe me? Check out the Libeskind design team.

It looks like a Kraftwerk album cover.

Great Stories Of Crime

For all those thinking that the JC is getting soft, even a discussion over rap lyrics will find its way into a battle royale...check this out.
Marcel Nelson, 20, of Jersey City, was beaten with a baseball bat and a fire extinguisher during the fight, which began around 7:30 p.m. Friday. Authorities said Nelson's injuries were so severe that police initially could not determine whether he had been beaten or shot.

Nice. Although even that doesn't sound as bizarre as doing a drive-by on a bunch of pre-teen girls who recently threw snowballs at your daughter.

February 24, 2003

Thanks Asshole

Aaahh...what does 600,000 copies sold, video rotation on MTV and hobknobbing with celebrities get you?

A big giant fucking head.

Jack White of the White Stripes is apparently irked that the Stripes forthcoming album Elephant has been leaked to the Internet. Oh sob, sob. Can you not afford a new white or red shirt, Jack? Save your pretentious wounded creature missives for the fawning critic/teenybopper set.

Did you guys end up winning "Best Garage Band" from VH1 as you so desperately implored us to help you win?

Gag me with a major label spoon. Jack, why don't you go fuck your "sister."