January 10, 2003

Those Who Know, Those Who Don't

This exchange between moron Sean Hannity and George Foreman on FoxNews is pretty enlightening.
HANNITY: I did a boxing workout. It's tough. Let me ask this question. This comes up every once in a while on my radio show, and I take this position -- and some parents go ballistic. I say -- I teach my son that if somebody hits you, hit 'em back twice as hard.

FOREMAN: Is that right?

HANNITY: Is that the right message?

FOREMAN: I teach my kids never to fight.

HANNITY: Never?

FOREMAN: Never. If you want to be a fighter...

HANNITY: If somebody hits you?

FOREMAN: No, if you want to be a fighter[...]I've got this George Foreman Youth Center[...]and I'll sign a contract to get a percentage of your career money. Let's get in the ring where it really counts.

Makes Hannity look like an idiot...well I guess that's easy. Anyway, yes, I have been posting a lot of FoxNews stuff lately. I guess it always gets me riled up enough to post about it. I need to look for greater influences obviously.


January 09, 2003

Funny pics

This is a pretty hilarious set of "greatest photos ever" from Something Awful...always an interesting place to visit on the web. Not always kosher place to visit, but in this case it's tastee.

This Was Not A Good Idea.

To the uniformed puppet opening this bag -- congratulations. You've just brought this once free nation one step closer to becoming a fascist police state.

This was the note found in a bag where a couple made up a fake bomb out of a snow boot, wires and an electrical power strip in order to make a political statement. Hmmmm...yes. Congratulations Mainers. You're stupid. I mean...why can't we all trust each other before we get on airplanes? How does putting a fake bomb in a bag that is thereby detected prove that we are a "fascist police state"? How does that help people indefinitely imprisoned without counsel? I can't say enough how stupid these people are.

Here's the down-low on this Donahue guy courtesy of Google...the tool of the fascist internet.

Paul Donahue is an artist, naturalist, and ornithologist whose home base is Machias, Maine. He also spends time in Central and South America, where he leads birding trips and constructs rainforest canopy walkways. Paul is also editor of The Maine Woods newspaper, and has spent time in California, working to protect the California redwoods with renowned activist Julia Hill.

Julia Hill...ahh...Butterfly Hill. The girl who spent all that time in the tree. A regular environmental celebrity.

Here's a picture of Mr. Donahue. Scroll down and you'll see him sitting at a table made out of a dead tree created by the fascist police state.

Hmmm...considering his use of a snowboot I guess Donahue isn't hardcore enough to denounce the negative effects of the commercial ski industry on the environment.

I still can't get over what a dumb idea this was. They have a complaint about bomb screening? I could almost understand a complaint about being frisked or wanded...but putting your bag through a conveyor belt? That's a decent price to pay for not dying.

My Back Hurts

...and I don't have much to talk about today. Although there has been a lack of news or advertisement for it, I have begun coding for the new home of You Know It's True. For some strange reason the new site looks a bit new wave/Factory Records-like....or it could possibly end up looking emo. I really hope it's more of the former rather than the latter. Yuck. I am of limited skills...in general...so the outcome may not reflect my intent.

January 08, 2003

Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before...

Here's another O'Reilly-ACLU story...this one is also a hoot. Here's why:
BILL O'REILLY, HOST: Now for the top story tonight. We asked the Capital Research Center, which studies nonprofit organizations, to do their own analysis of the ACLU.

Joining us now from Washington is Terry Scanlon, president of that organization, which is a conservative one.

So you can, can you be fair, Mr. Scanlon, knowing your ideology is -- puts you against the ACLU?

TERRY SCANLON, CAPITAL RESEARCH CENTER: Oh, indeed. We make every effort to be objective.

Aaaahhhh....I find it very refreshing when partisan groups can put aside their ideology and "make every effort to be objective." I mean...let's put aside all of our views...and take some time out to be objective. Fairness begins when you say I'm going into this with an open mind. All of this "effort to be objective" recalls the story of the open-minded Zambians profiled in "Sons of Thunder: Bringing Light To The Dark Continent" who accepted "the message of life-changing power found in Jesus Christ" thereby breaking the vicious cycle of AIDS in Zambia. If only the ACLU didn't win cases...damn. I mean from an objective point of view...that "damn" was from an objective point of view. Listen...I'm "making every effort to be objective" here...give me a break. Throw a dog a bone? Help a brother out? Whatchu talkin' bout' Willis?

SCANLON: [W]hen [the ACLU] win[s], Bill, the courts award them monies, which go into their budgets for further litigation.

O'REILLY: Now, they award them, I thought, court costs, right?

SCANLON: Court costs.

O'REILLY: Right.

SCANLON: Exactly.

So you're saying...let me get this straight here....you're saying that when the court or a jury agrees with the legal arguments offered by the ACLU they get a landslide award of court costs? Holyyyyyyyyyyy shit. [gasp] That's bullshit. I'm totally against this. Winners should not prosper...or even get reimbursed. That's bullshit.

O'REILLY: Now, later on this week, we're going to do a story about a Kentucky high school, where the ACLU came in and demanded the high school allow a gay organization to be funded by the school, just like the school band, and then the school was forced -- they wouldn't give in. They buckled and said, We won't have any clubs. They disbanded every club, so all the kids got hurt because now my question is, would the ACLU, if I wanted to come in with an S&M group, and say, I want to have a black leather whip club, does that have to be funded too?

Because the homosexual club was based on a sexual proclivity.

Yes. By Constitutional law, all black leather whip clubs must be funded. I should know. My third-grade class at Greenlodge School in Dedham, Massachusetts became one of the first elementary school classes to feature all black leather whip clubs. Okay. I'm fibbing here. We couldn't afford leather...the whips were made up of space-age polymers. But the whipping taught me a lot about obedience, dominance, role-playing, and of course, rubbing alcohol. However, I totally think it's entirely unethical for O'Reilly to take this time out to push his own S&M group to be established at schools. I believe in the free market system. Let's get a fair and objective bidding contest going. Check out the features of these groups. You know, kick the tires...or rather your partner...yes...[thump]...[thump]...yes...oh...[ahem] excuse me.

It's sad that they funded this homosexual group. I'm really getting tired of getting fucked by gay men everywhere I go. It's like I'm on the subway getting just absolutely reamed by several buff guys in patent leather motorcycle outfits. It's just got to stop. I mean Will & Grace? What the hell? Gay men are in Hollywood now? Who the fuck allowed that?

If they fund this bunch of gay kids...man...there's going to be bareback anal sex at the pep rallies, the prom queen will be named Luther, P.A. Announcements will feature interior decorating and floral advice, and the Drama department is going to get really really good. I'd much rather they fund the date rapes, sexual harassment, roid rage and drug and alcohol abuse of the football team. Or at least your average high school prom.

O'REILLY: OK. Now, what do you think overall is the ACLU's intent? Nadine Strossen, by the way, we have to say, doesn't get any salary. She's the president. She hates us so she won't talk to us. But she doesn't get any salary. But a lot of the others are getting six-figure salaries. Jane Scott, development director, Steven Shapiro, legal director, $150,000 for Shapiro, $162,000 for Scott.

Is it just money, or do these people have a political agenda?

SCANLON: No, I think they have an agenda. I think it's safe to say they don't like anything religious, anything that could be considered religious, whether it be a nativity scene or...

I can't believe that anybody who works for the ACLU gets paid. That's shit. They should be working motherfuckin' 60 hour weeks for free. I mean come on. The Legal Director?? What the hell kind of made-up position is that for a national legal organization? Legal Director? Who are they kidding. I mean CEOs don't even make $150K a year. I don't make a $150K a year and I'm 26 years old. This is bullshit. This Shapiro guy should get $5.50/hr...tops. As for SCANLON's comments....ahhhh...nice and objective. Or this gem of objectivity:

O'REILLY: Now, do they have any worth, in your opinion?

SCANLON: A little. Very little worth. I think occasionally on a privacy issue, they come down on the right side. But they're far and few between.

True. They come down on "the right side." I'm glad you could share you were "fair" and made "every effort to be objective" in your "analysis." I know have made "every effort to be objective."

January 07, 2003

The Last Thirteen Songs To Rock My iPod.

Husker Du--Makes No Sense At All
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club--Whatever Happened To My Rock & Roll
Pete Rock And C.L. Smooth--They Reminisce Over You
Superchunk--Like A Fool
Superdrag--The Staggering Genius
James--Born Of Frustration (Live)
The Incredible Moses Leroy--Fuzzy
Blonde Redhead--Loved Despite Of Great Faults
The Shins--Girl Inform Me
Starlight Mints--Submarine #3
Pavement--Zurich Is Stained
Interpol--Obstacle 1
Outkast--So Fresh, So Clean

Where Does The ACLU Get It's Money?

This is what intrepid reporter Bill O'Reilly wants to know. Okay, I know a pay a lot of attention to him...too much attention...but so do a lot of other people. I'm amazed how drunk he's gotten as his ratings have increased.

I don't understand why O'Reilly appears to implicitly argue that the ACLU doesn't have a right to represent people in lawsuits. Instead he calls their actions "legal terror to punish those with whom they disagree." No pal, see that's what punitive damages are for...or attorney's fees...otherwise as long as I make a good faith (as in having some legal or factual basis) claim, I can bring a lawsuit against you. And well, fuckin' sorry if you don't have the money. I'm sorry...I was too busy reading through my adhesion contract forcing me to arbitrate my dispute with Company X in Lexington, Kentucky to notice any balance of power issues in the American legal system. Cry me a river.

You have a right to sue...you have the right to defend yourself...but unless it's a criminal trial...you don't have the right for it to be inexpensive...whether you're an individual or a company, a king or a pauper. To pick out the ACLU as practicing "legal terror" as opposed to say...just about any other group of plaintiffs is ridiculous.

What about the people suing the University of Michigan Law School for discrimination? Are they promoting legal terror? Why or why not? What's the dividing line? What you agree with?

Everybody has the right to access to the legal system with a judge or jury as the final arbiter of your claim. Bill O'Reilly is not a judge. He's not an impaneled jury. So go ahead and HUAC/out people who support the ACLU. It only makes people like me (and I don't even agree with all of the ACLU's representations) join.

Fuck you, Bill O'Reilly. I can tell you where the ACLU gets their money.

ME.

January 06, 2003

The Bridge

all the peopleIt's only January. The winter still has some months before it ends.

This photo was taken back in the DUMBO area of Brooklyn in November. To the right, Field Mouse attempts to spot our 3000 sq foot Lower East Side loft while to the left, my parents try to negotiate the digital particulars of their malfunctioning Christmas 2001 present.

I told Field Mouse tonight that I thought our current life needed more beauty.

I was wearing a lacy pink thong as I said this.

It was far from beautiful.

After Field Mouse finished emptying the contents of her stomach, she asked me if I thought we were ugly or if New York was ugly. I replied that at times, it's difficult to separate ourselves from New York...so the ugly may spread itself everywhere. Actually, I never said that either New York or we were ugly.

I just want to be pretty!! Is that soooooooo wrong?!?!? I'm going to start wearing some man makeup. Little blush here...little fake stubble there. Yes...completely psycho.

I think I am going to start getting all of my work clothes monogrammed...with incorrect initials. If anybody asks me about it, I'll shake my head angrily and say "I'd rather not talk about it" and stomp off. Then maybe people won't spend so much time looking at the ceramic owl on my desk.

Part-Time Lesbians

There was a trend piece going around the media a month ago (probably about as accurate as the infamous New York Times grunge lingo piece) about how "lesbian chic" was all the rage with high school girls. Regardless of the fact that even if true, this is a nonstory that has been taking place at fine American colleges and universities for...hmmm...well a long time...here is a funny bit that was on Bill O'Reilly's show about it. To give you an idea:
O'REILLY: Look, if everybody's going to have sex with their best friend, it's a chaotic society. You know what I mean?

DOLAN: Well, I don't really know why that would make it a chaotic society.

O'REILLY: Why?

DOLAN: Yes.

O'REILLY: Because boundaries collapse, you -- friendship gets into -- sex gets into the emotional realm, and -- you should know why, with all due respect, Ms. Dolan.

Because sex is different from friendship, OK? There's a difference. You get an emotional component, particularly with girls -- young girls who don't understand in a lot of cases what the emotion attached to sex should be. They don't.

Okay...so I assume this quote goes along the usual lines of the guys are only in it for the poon, but the ladies are in it for love. If that presupposition is true...then why would it be a problem if two ladies were getting down and dirty? Both of them would be in it for love...right? Besides that...let's look at two other positive factors of this. (1) Teenage pregnancies decrease and (2) Guys love lesbians.

O'REILLY: Well, they may be making an enormous mistake...

DOLAN: Well...

O'REILLY: ... particularly at such a young age, don't you think?

DOLAN: What would be -- repercussions of the mistake be?

O'REILLY: That they are irresponsible in their sexuality, that they are immature, that they are challenging convention that might come back to do them damage.

DOLAN: What kind of damage?

O'REILLY: Damage in employment. Damage in college admissions. Damage in public scrutiny in their own backyard.

DOLAN: I don't really...

O'REILLY: Yes?

DOLAN: I don't really understand what the damage is.

O'REILLY: Society -- society makes judgments upon people's behavior. If you're 14 and you're dabbling in lesbianism because you think it's cool, it ain't a good idea.

Hmmm..."damage in employment...damage in college admissions"? Well not in New York and twelve other states.